Leave Room for the Miracles
Why the Best Things in Life Rarely Go According to Plan
The greatest freedom in life may not be knowing which door to walk through. It may be knowing you don’t need every door to open.
I have learned to stand before a closed door without feeling rejected, walk through an unexpected one without knowing where it leads, and sit in an empty hallway without frantically searching for something to do.
It took me years to understand this.
And ironically, some of the greatest things that have happened in my life are the things I had absolutely nothing to do with.
Call it serendipity. Providence. Divine intervention. Whatever you like.
I call it leaving room for miracles.
Apparently, I Need a 40-Year Plan
Recently, I watched a financial planner on YouTube explain how we should organize our lives.
A six-month plan. A one-year plan. A two-year plan. Five years. Ten years.
And then came the grand finale.
A 40-year plan!
Forty years? Seriously?
I wondered whether I should pencil in my unexpected miracles for the second Tuesday of March 2048. Perhaps divine intervention requires a calendar invitation.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m all for financial responsibility, saving, investing, and having direction.
But planning the next 40 years of your life as though circumstances will politely cooperate?
Ridiculous.
Life can change in a phone call. A diagnosis. A chance encounter. An unexpected invitation. A door that slams shut.
And before you know it, decades have passed.
I prefer to sketch my direction in pencil and keep a very large eraser nearby.
My Daily Prayer Has Two Instructions
Every day, I pray:
Close the doors that need to close, and open the doors that need to open.
Then I have to do something considerably harder.
Trust the answer.
When a door closes that I desperately wanted open, I walk away. I don’t spend months banging on it, trying to convince life that it made a terrible mistake.
And when a door opens that I absolutely do NOT want to walk through—but the circumstances align almost effortlessly—I walk through it anyway.
Sometimes kicking and screaming internally.
And here’s the extraordinary thing.
Those unwanted doors have repeatedly become the greatest positive turning points of my life.
Meanwhile, years later, I can look back at the doors that closed and recognize how fortunate I was that they never opened.
What felt like rejection was sometimes redirection.
What felt like an interruption was sometimes an invitation.
Psychology Has Something Fascinating to Say About This
Psychologists call part of this psychological flexibility—the ability to adjust our thinking and behavior when circumstances change rather than becoming trapped by rigid expectations.
A 2024 meta-analysis of 151 studies published in Behavior Therapy found that greater psychological inflexibility was associated with poorer well-being.
And a 2023 review of 91 studies in Clinical Psychology Review linked intolerance of uncertainty with less adaptive emotional regulation.
Neither study proves that surrender produces miracles. But both help explain why our relationship with uncertainty matters.
There’s even a psychological career-development concept called planned happenstance: remaining curious, flexible, and willing to act when unexpected opportunities appear.
Now consider how these qualities work together.
Self-efficacy: I trust my ability to handle what comes next.
Self-reliance: I don’t need everyone else’s permission to change direction.
Psychological flexibility: I can release yesterday’s plan when tomorrow presents something better.
Surrender and faith: I accept that I cannot control every outcome.
Self-realization and self-actualization: I become more aware of who I am and more willing to live accordingly.
They are different psychological and philosophical ideas, but they can reinforce one another.
And here’s the paradox I find most beautiful:
The more I trust myself to handle whatever happens, the less I need to control what happens.
That isn’t passivity. It’s freedom.
Stop Filling Every Empty Space
We have become obsessed with productivity.
Every hour scheduled. Every weekend committed. Every goal measured. Every future milestone mapped.
But where does serendipity fit into a calendar without a single opening?
Where is the unexpected conversation that changes your career?
The invitation you almost declined?
The quiet afternoon when you suddenly realize you’ve been chasing something you no longer want?
Sometimes we become so busy executing our plans that we miss the life trying to happen around them.
I am not suggesting we abandon responsibility or mistake every inconvenience for divine guidance. Some obstacles require persistence, and some open doors should remain firmly unentered.
Discernment matters.
But so does recognizing when it is time to stop forcing an outcome.
I rarely plan far into the future unless circumstances require it. I prepare, pay attention, and wait until I feel it is time to act.
Then I move.
And if life changes direction tomorrow, I am willing to change with it.
Make your plans. But never fall so deeply in love with them that you refuse a better life.
The Appointment I Refuse to Cancel
Remember that financial planner with his 40-year schedule?
I’ve decided he may have overlooked the most important appointment of all.
The one with absolutely nothing written in it.
No destination. No agenda. No predetermined outcome.
Just an opening.
Because the most extraordinary experiences of my life have rarely arrived when I demanded them. They arrived when I was available to receive them.
And when I look back at the doors I desperately wanted opened, I realize something rather astonishing.
The miracle wasn’t always what came through the open door.
Sometimes the miracle was the closed door that kept me available for something I couldn’t yet imagine.
So yes, I have plans.
But I also have empty spaces on my calendar.
And those may be the most valuable appointments I will ever keep.
Created by Dr. Kim Byrd-Rider — Doctor of Physical Therapy • Scholar of the Wisdom Traditions
Research References
Ong, C. W., Barthel, A. L., & Hofmann, S. G. (2024). The Relationship Between Psychological Inflexibility and Well-Being in Adults. Behavior Therapy, 55(1), 26–41. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.beth.2023.05.007
Sahib, A., Chen, J., Cárdenas, D., & Calear, A. L. (2023). Intolerance of Uncertainty and Emotion Regulation: A Meta-Analytic and Systematic Review. Clinical Psychology Review, 101, 102270. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.cpr.2023.102270
Fyfe, L., Heinrich, B., Kanar, A. M., & D’Intino, K. (2024). Competency Articulation at the Intersection of Happenstance and Experiential Learning. https://doi.org/10.1177/09504222241249404
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